Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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