He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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