sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
