Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
