Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
