gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
