I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
