I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
