We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
