That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
