i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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