Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
