Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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