Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
