I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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