He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
