woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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