no, he came in my armpit
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We are two peas in an std pod
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
