Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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