i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
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