dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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