I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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