i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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