guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
