did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She's JV to your varsity
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
