I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
