why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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