it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
