i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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