He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
