im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
