You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
