I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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