Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Randomize
