i just wanna soil my oats bro
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
