is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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