Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
