please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
