I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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