She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
