Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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