grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
