I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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