what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
