I wish I could teleport
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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