I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
