So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Dignity is for republicans.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
this is an emotional support booty call
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
