i think i have two assholes
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
