I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
