mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
NoShamevember. You game?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
