T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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