Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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