Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
