I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
