Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
