running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
be right there i have to get my cape
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
