3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
can u get pink eye on your cock?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
