My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
