Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
