On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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