i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
