Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Your penis caused this!
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