i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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