I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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