Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
