I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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