I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
