C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
there's paper in my vomit.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
