I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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